Skinny Dog is no more

Poor old Jill went to doggie heaven.Was put down on the 5 Oct2008 a scar on my soul till my dying day.The vet said that it was the kind thing to do , but still have doubts about that, the main reason I made the descision to put her down ,was, she was skinny as a rake lost so much weight, was very slow in walking and looked confused, not much activity, didn't look like she was enjoying life anymore.All this is feeble justification on my part but,if I get to look she was , someone has my full permission to give me a needle to end it all.In fact at the moment of Jill passing away, I felt slightly jealous of her, escaping all lifes trials and tribulations, not to mention was feeling pretty fucking low myself at that time.Then other thoughts kick in , what about the kids, and my other pooch that relies onme. So can't give in just yet, have to stay around for others not only for myself.Death isn't to be feared just held off till the right time.Do I sound depressed maybe I am. Remorse is terrible had to take to the bed early that day, felt like crap.
Jill had her for over 15 years part of my life, only an animal, but invades the deepest part of your soul , if you have any, not a softie dog lover, but ,they manage to creep under your hard skin shell that you need to survive in this callous world, try'd my best to keep a stiff upper lip, but defied my best efforts, yes I cracked, and cried like a baby, no witnesses , but ,its hard to admit such feelings being a bloke ,not supposed to feel this way.
Anyhow what doesn't kill you makes you a better person.The dog was just a companion that did all the things dogs do, roll in stinky stuff, leave hairs all over the place, embarrass me on numerous occassions steal food, make a mess, but in the end dog time ran out, something don't want to go through again, but will, as I have another furry brute, just as much a pain in the backside as Jill, but no escape from the beasts.This little note is just my way of saying goodbye to a faithful companion.God bless you , dog, Amen lump in my throat, still not over the beast...